To New Heights

Victor of the 38th Annual Hunger Games,

Athena Roddrick!

“Her lips are formed in a pained smile and her hand is clasped to her side, but the pride is unmistakable on her face. She knows she can beat me...”

Kills: Margi (D6), Sonic (D5), Fin (D4), Gem (D1)

Dear _______,

I didn’t think it would be like this to win. I saw the other Victors on the day I came back to District Two and they all seemed so happy, so careless. But I was weighed down with cares that I couldn’t explain. Cares that extended to every tribute that I killed and to each one that I only saw die through a bright, Capitol screen. I couldn’t ignore the pained cries to be heard that took over my dreams each night. Some of them I couldn’t even place to a name but I could see them all.

When I came home my Dad was overwhelmed with joy, hugging me and telling me how much he had missed me. I believed him and I relished in the love he showed me for months after we began living in the Victor’s village. I trusted him with my most intimate thoughts, the dreams that demanded my attention each night and left me struggling for breath each morning. After that he stayed his distance and I was alone again.

The President demanded me in the Capitol so often that I never stayed at home for long. He made me do things, horrible things that I can’t even begin to describe to anyone. I couldn’t be myself now, I thought I would win freedom when I was lifted from the arena but I hadn’t. I had only won life.

He started drinking again, in the basement of our new house that now always reeked of alcohol. My brothers all married and left me to be with their new families, but I could never bring myself to marry anyone. No one could understand when I told them about the ghosts that visited me, the ones that yelled and screamed and shook me, claiming that I was to blame for their deaths. Soon I believed them, it was my fault because I had lived, I had won.

My Father grew old and died in his sleep as all people wish they would be lucky enough to do. My brothers stopped visiting me and I never was allowed to visit my little nieces and nephews. The district called me crazy and so no one comes to see me anymore. Not even my fellow Victors seem to understand me.

I’m writing this so that maybe someone will understand me when they find me tomorrow morning. I fought so hard to live but I forgot how much easier it would be to die. The right to die was something I was going to take back, so that maybe the ghosts will stop blaming me.

-Athena

2^nd: Gem Smoke, District One

“She was smart, calculating, and knew how to do things that my mind could not even fathom.”

Kills: Aras (D5), Sparks (D3), Channing (D12), Lacey (D8), Echo (D7)

Dear Gem,

I thought you were just like me, Gem. Like mother, like daughter was what people always said to you, wasn’t it. When you volunteered it sealed your reputation in the district, you were just like me. But you didn’t want that, I knew that and you knew that, but no one else cared. They just repeat what is told to them, no one stops to think about the stories their told as they are passed from ear to ear.

I don’t regret having you, Gem. It might have seemed like I did, and maybe even at one point I did regret it. It was never truly you though, it was what you reminded me of. It was the mistake and betrayal that you represented, bringing something forward that I wanted to keep buried deep inside myself.

Each time I looked at you. Oh how much you looked like your Father, Gem. The same raven black hair and brilliant blue eyes, You were always his child, kind like him and merciful as well. Like him you volunteered for reasons beyond your control, and like him you knew it was wrong. Every second the camera focused on you I could see it in your eyes, the hatred that I couldn’t seem to understand.

And also like him, I lost you to the arena.

I’m sorry, Gem. For everything that was never your fault.

Love, Mom.

3^rd: Echo Osuushi, District Seven

“I'm strong, stronger than I had realized. Probably stronger than anyone watching ever thought too.”

Kills: Hunter (D2), Barley (D11)

Dear Echo,

I never could understand how anyone could live with themselves after taking someone’s family away from them. Family is sacred, just as you were to your Mother and I, and nothing should come between it.

But something did, as we knew it might. You were chosen and they took you away. Your family cried for you that night, Echo, but not I. I knew it was only fate. You believe in fate don’t you?

I wish that you could have been with us for longer, but it wasn’t meant to be. I miss you and will continue to until my heart finally stops beating, but I do not blame anyone for the fact that it was you. You were stronger than anyone, and in a fair game you would have won. I know that, but this wasn’t a fair game.

You were meant to lose, Echo. Someone more powerful than all of us wanted to take you away from the horrible life you were forced to live and bring you to shine bright amongst the stars. I have found peace in the knowledge that you will be happier where you are than I could ever make you here.

Find peace in the knowledge that your family is doing alright without you.

Love, Dad.

4^th: Lacey Thim, District Eight

“Lacey makes me feel as close [to safe] as possible, the younger girl having a calming effect on me just through her kind words.”

Kills: Marina (D4)

Dear Lacey,

I still think about you every day, even after all these years.

The way that your hair brushed against my forehead, the way your lips pressed together in a coy smile. The way you felt so small and fragile in my arms but when you stood up seemed so very strong. The way you made me feel as though you had no where better to be than in my arms.

I`m married now, with two beautiful girls that remind me so much of you. My wife knows about you, kind as she is, and doesn`t question the love she must know I still have for you. I didn`t want to move on after your body was returned to me in complete stillness. I had just wanted to sit by your gravestone and talk to you until my voice gave out. And then sit there in silence until I was able to fall asleep.

But nay, life goes on. And as must I. I`ll always remember you, though.

Love, Riley (Boyfriend)

5^th: Barley Haystack, District Eleven

“Tears nearly come to my eyes, perhaps it is just an act but this boy seems to truly care about his district partner...”

Kills: None

Dear Barley,

I heard what you said to me. When you were with that girl, the one from Seven whose face haunts my nightmares. I heard you tell me you were coming home. I heard you and I believed you.

But you’ve never lied to me before, Barley, and you did come home. You came home in a big wooden box that took up our whole front room for days before Mom and Dad could convince me to let them bury you.

I didn’t want you to be buried, I didn’t want you to go away again. I wanted you to stay right here with me forever, just like you always told me you’d try to do.

You didn’t really leave me though, did you Barley? At night I swear I can sometimes hear your snoring from the empty bed beside me. Sometimes I feel a warm touch on my shoulder but turn around to find no one there. It’s you, isn’t it.

You would never really leave me.

Your Sister, Lyra (Age 9).

6^th: Fin Aquil, District Four

“Just by entering this room I am almost guaranteed a score of eight or higher.”

Kills: Sewn (D8), Chrysanthemum (D11)

Dear Fin,

I thought you were better than that, Fin. I trained you to be better.

I don’t understand why you didn’t win, you knew how to. Everything seemed to be playing out in your favour. In the Capitol, everyone loved you just like I knew they would. The sponsors must have been lining up to give you gifts.

But, you still lost.

I made you the best, but you still weren’t good enough to win. You were beaten out for the title that I molded you to obtain. There’s nothing left for me to tell you, Fin, you’ve failed you family. You’ve failed me after everything I made you into.

I’m training your sisters to do better. One of them will win, I know it.

Love, Mom

7^th: Channing Keynes, District Twelve

“No one knows what I am capable of. Not one person here.”

Kills: Sage (D10), Kindra (D12), Faction (D9)

Dear Channing,

I can’t even look at the body in the coffin that they told me was you.

That’s because I know it can’t be you, the boy on the screen who strangled a girl until her legs stopped kicking, who threw his own young district partner to her death just hours later. That wasn’t my son. Please, no. It couldn’t have been.

I know you missed Lili and Leon. That much I was completely aware of. When they died you changed, became distant, never spoke with me nor your Father again. But you were still you, you weren’t a monster.

I don’t know why they gave us that coffin, it’s not my son in there it’s someone else’s. Someone that raised their son to be a cold-hearted killer, it was their boy lying motionless in the box, not mine.

I just want my son back, and no one can even give me that.

Love, Mom.

8^th: Bolt Fresia, District Three

“Never will I be able to forgive myself for causing this much pain in my family. If only I wouldn't have been reaped, if only I could have some control over this thing.”

Kills: None

Dear Bolt,

I miss you Bolt, I missed you more that I can even hope to explain in writing and now that you are truly gone I miss you even more than that.

I won’t pretend it’s been easy, Bolt, it hasn’t. Mom lost her job when she didn’t show up for weeks, Dad’s salary is what we live on now. I never see her leave her room anymore, I don’t know what has made her so stuck. I’m scared for her. I’m scared for Heart and Com, neither of them have left the house since you died. They all just sit there in the living room, sometimes drawing or writing letters that no one ever sees. I know they’re for you though, Bolt.

I think they’re all slowly going insane, none of them has spoken for days. I’m scared for them, Bolt, but I’m scared for me too. I can’t do everything. I can’t no matter how much I try to.

But I’ll keep trying, just like you always told me.

Your Sister, Volt (Age 17)

9^th: Buttercup Rhodes, District Nine

“She was not rich in wealth, but rich in happiness, a smile ever present on her tanned face.”

Kills: None

Dear Buttercup,

Where’d you go?

That day when the white men took you away from me, Mommy said you would be back soon. So I waited. I sat on your bed every day but you never came home. Don’t you miss us here? We miss you, Buttercup.

I drew a picture of us and glued it to our door, so that maybe if you had forgotten what our house looked like you would still find us. It hasn’t worked yet, but I know it will soon. You can’t stay away for that long, can you?

I really wish you would come home. I miss you a lot, Buttercup. I kept asking Mommy and Daddy where you were and so they told me to write you a letter and ask you. So I did.

Are you coming home soon? I’ll wait in your room until you’re ready, Buttercup. But I hope you come soon, I miss you.

Your Sister, Bloom (Age 3).

10^th: Chrysanthemum Dyme, District Eleven

“No one pays attention to the low scores, maybe now everyone will think she is hiding something.”

Kills: None

Dear Chrysanthemum,

I can’t deal with you gone, Chryssa. Your brother and sister don’t understand and how am I supposed to explain it to them? They’re only three and four years old, for goodness sake!

They still walk around the house, even after months with you gone, looking for you. Lillia checks in all the places you used to hide when the two of you would play hide-and-seek and then look at me blankly when she discovers you’re not in any of them. Wren just repeats your name all day, all night, in his sleep and at all hours. It’s driving me insane, I can’t take their questions. I just can’t.

Why can’t they just forget?

Love, Mom.

11^th: Marina Crest, District Four

“If I'm going to do this there can be no distractions.”

Kills: None

Dear Marina,

He hits me, Marina. He never used to. I never knew where the bruises on your body came from, the ones that you would come into my room with every morning to wake me up. I never asked because I wasn;t sure I wanted to know what was happening to you.

But I know now, he must have hit you too.

Dad broke the television when that girl stabbed you, threw a full bottle of alcohol at the screen and shattered it. I never saw your last moments, I hope those others that were with you comforted you as you died. I hope you remembered me, Marina.

I’m scared now, I don’t leave my room anymore to go to the park with my friends. I keep a chair tucked under the doorknob just like you used to do when I didn’t understand why.

Think of me wherever you are, it’s got to be better than here.

Your Brother, Wade (Age 9)

12^th: Sparks Jadestone, District Three

“...the last thing I see is the District Three redhead holding up her hand to us as her bright hair disappears from view. I think she just gave us the finger.”

Kills: None

Dear Sparks,

I miss you so much, Sparks. Celestia and I hung a picture of you over our beds, so that even though you don’t share this room anymore you’re still here with us. Mom and Dad don’t talk about you anymore, but I still hear Mom crying on the couch at night. I think she misses you too, just like us.

It was my idea to have you cremated when they brought you back all that time ago. I knew you would want to stay at home with us, you never liked being alone did you? You’re always going to be with us now, Sparks, I thought you’d like to know that.

I still hear you screaming in my nightmares, Celestia says it’s gotten quieter but to me it’s still going strong. I don’t want that to be the only thing I remember about you, Sparks, I stare at your picture everyday because I don’t want to forget you.

Your Sister, Jesslite (Age 12)

13^th: Dustin Shores, District Ten

“He gives one last, warm smile and, his eyes kind and forgiving, before he releases the only thing keeping him alive.”

Kills: None

Dear Dustin,

There is so much to tell you.

I still can’t believe that it happened like this. I mean, you always joked about getting Reaped but in those stories you always came back riding on a horse with side bags filled with gold. You never entertained the possibility that you might not come home. None of us were ready for that.

Dixie’s dead, Dustin. After you were Reaped she lost it, completely and utterly lost it. No one could get her to calm down and then one day she just snapped, attacked a Peacekeeper in the Square and they shot her three times in the head. That was two of you gone, two of the people I actually cared about were dead in a matter of days.

Your other sister, Cheyenne had a baby boy. She named him Dustin and it fits. He looks just like you and we always joke that he is you reincarnated. He acts like you too, it’s impossible not to see you in him, Dustin.

I’ll keep him safe, he’s going to need someone and maybe I will too.

Your Friend, Emmett (Age 16).

14^th: Faction Papers, District Nine

“That was the reason I was still alive, in the hopes that someone, somewhere cared enough about me to cry if I died.”

Kills: Zircon (D1)

Dear Faction,

I’m glad you’re gone, you always made the music play weirdly. It sounded rattled when you were around. Not calm but like noise, noise instead of music.

When that other man left, he took away the happy music, the room never felt calm or joyous. Only your noise filled it, the clang-clang of rattling things that filled my ears and never went away. I tried to make you leave before, all that noise was hurting my ears. I couldn’t think because of all the noise, I wanted music but music never played when you were around. Just that awful noise!

Now it’s quiet here, music doesn’t play but that’s alright with me. Your sad noise isn’t here either and I’m happy it’s gone. It made me feel sad, to hear all that clanging noise.

I wish your music had been happier, like the man before you that left. He never made noise he just sang.

Mom.

15^th: Zircon Spinel, District One

“It's almost as if she doesn't find me attractive.”

Kills: Dusty (D7)

Dear Zircon,

I told you that you wouldn’t want this. I tried to warn you, being a Victor is never guaranteed. It is never definite. Even if it was I wouldn’t have wanted you to do this. It’s not worth it, Zircon, couldn’t you see this by looking at me?

They both cried when you died, Zircon, Mother and Father. They miss you, they didn’t want this for you either. It was horrible when your coffin came. Before then we could pretend you were still in the Capitol, but when it arrived we had to face the fact that you were really gone.

Mother’s dead now, Zircon. The Capitol wouldn’t treat her like you said they would. Just because you’re a Victor doesn’t mean you are anything more than a play thing. A display of what they can do to you.

I just wish you could have figured this out sooner.

Your Sister, Silver (Age 24)

16^th: Kindra Crimson, District Twelve

“Even though we are the same age she seems much younger, her small size and fragile eyes show the mind of a young child. Unprepared and unprotected.”

Kills: None

Dear Kindra,

It should have been me, not you. I was the one that deserved to die, I was the one that sometimes even wanted to die. It should never have been you, you’re too good, too pure. It’s not fair, they take the best ones and leave the rest of us here to suffer.

I just wanted to say thank you, I know I said it so many times before but I will never stop saying it because I can never repay you for what you have done for me. You gave me something to hope for, showed me a life I could never have with my own Father.

Thank you for letting me stay all those nights on your floor when I couldn’t bear to go home. I’ll never stop thanking you it seems, because your family hasn’t abandoned me like I thought they would. They still let me sleep in your room sometimes. They tell me to sleep in your bed but I won’t because it’s still yours.

Above all, thank you for being my friend.

Your Friend, Fiora (Age 14).

17^th: Hunter D’Agosto, District Two

“Will anyone ever trust me?”

Kills: None

Dear Hunter,

I’ve never been so very proud of you before.

We never thought this would happen to you, Hunter. Your Father and I saw so much promise in you, we kept you away from the Training Academy so that you wouldn’t even get a taste of the fame you could have won. You were made to be so much more than a tribute, Hunter, you and your sister both were.

Sue started training a few months after your coffin arrived. Your Father and I are scared, Hunter. We don’t want her to end up like you, we don’t want her to leave us and never come back. Please, wherever you are, help her. She has so much to lose, Hunter.

Love, Mom.

18^th: Sage Rosse, District Ten

“She seems to be mumbling a few words to either herself or to Hunter, though I would tell her not to waste her breath.”

Kills: None

Dear Sage,

I miss your stories, Sage. I don’t get why the Capitol would want to take you, the only thing that made people really happy on the farms. Kipper tried to tell stories too, just like you used to, when the kids got hurt at work. But they took her too, a year after you left she went.

Why is the Capitol taking away our storytellers?

I want to try and be like you, but I’m not brave like Kipper. I don’t want to leave when I’m older. I’m scared they’re going to take me too. Soon it will be my turn to dress up like you and stand in the sections with the older kids. But I’m not ready, Sage, I’m scared.

Your Sister, Lavender (Age 8).

19^th: Sonic Poller, District Five

“I couldn't do anything that special or spectacular. I was just Sonic and I don't think three days of training are going to change that.”

Kills: None

Dear Sonic,

I never thought it could happen. Kids like us don’t get Reaped, not usually anyway. Outlet, Treble, and I haven’t really figured out what to do since you left. I don’t see any of them anymore. You’re the only one I really felt a connection to, we were both so alike. Now that you’re gone I don’t fit in with that group.

I haven’t seen Outlet in a while, now that I think about it. I think she started hanging out with that girl you were always sneaking looks at, Hannah. Don’t think I didn’t know, Sonic, I can be just as observant as you can.

Treble got Reaped three years after you left. He died in the Bloodbath just like you, silently. I never went to say goodbye, just like I didn’t go for you. I regretted not visiting you. Not saying goodbye. But I just couldn’t handle it, people crying and saying final words to each other before they leave forever. I didn’t think I could do it.

I also didn’t think you would actually be gone forever. I miss you, Sonic, everyone who knows you does.

Your friend, Ranbo.

20^th: Aras Horndon, District Five

“I don't know what's more frightening, the fact that she could possibly be this happy about going in or the fact that she must be one of the best actresses in all of Panem.”

Kills: None

Dear Aras,

I’m sorry I lied to you. You were my daughter, so pure and innocent. So naive to the world you lived in, I didn’t want you to be like your Father and I. Burdened down by everything that made life impossible for us.

But you knew, didn’t you?

You knew what was happening, you knew about the Hunger Games and the President and the other districts. As much as I wanted to protect you I couldn’t. All round us is worn down by the Capitol. Everything around us is hard and cruel. But you flew above everything. You knew about it all, from school, from your Father, but it never stopped you. An eagle flying above the clouds, that’s what your Father used to call you.

I won’t cry for you any longer, Little Eagle. You’ve flown so high up into the clouds already.

Love, Mom

21^st: Dusty Abernathco, District Seven

“You can tell that his innocence had been lost long ago, something that seems to happen a lot with the tributes in the Games.”

Kills: Chevy (D6)

Dear Dusty,

I can`t say that I miss you, Dusty. It was too hard for me to miss another child as I had done when Diamond died. I could still remember you vaguely, but the emotions just weren`t there like they still are for her.

I`m sorry that we couldn`t afford to bury you, I`m sorry that we didn`t accept your body.

I don`t know what they did with it, when they brought it to the Justice Building and your Father nor myself went to pick it up. All I know is that whatever they did with it was better than what we could have afforded you. Money is still tight here, but your Aunt doesn`t help us like she used to. Not after she heard what we did to you.

It seems that you were more her child than ours, but I am glad you aren`t here now. I don`t want you or your sister to see us like this, cold and slowly starving to death. I hope you can forgive us, please believe that we had no choice.

Love, Mom.

22^nd: Chevy Axel, District Six

“No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to make friends here.”

Kills: None

Dear Chevy,

I know you couldn’t possibly believe this, but your Father really did love you. My brother was cold hearted at times, even I must admit this. But his love was hidden, masked you could say.

He was stuck in his own grief, seeing someone you love and are with everyday of your life can’t possibly be easy. I would know, I lost you. He couldn’t overcome it and he let it swallow him. You reminded him so much of your Mother, Chevy.

This isn’t easy to write, but your Father is dead now. I hope you see him where you are, because that means that he was a good person and deserved paradise like you do. He died just two days after you did, he couldn’t handle it anymore. Little did any of us know, you were the only thing holding him back from total insanity.

I hope you find peace with him now, I know how much you wanted that.

Your Uncle, Avion

23^rd: Sewn Carpets, District Eight

“Even when training with real-life weapons that he will be expected to be able to put to use, Sewn still acted like all of this was some big joke.”

Kills: None

Dear Sewn,

I just don`t understand it, Sewn. We did all we could for you, neither of us knew what was going on inside your head. You wouldn`t tell us a thing, we were left to guess.

All those days when you came home from school late with a bruised face or a black eye, we would always ask you questions but you never told us. According to you, life was perfect, but we knew it couldn`t be. We knew our baby was hurting, your Mother cried for you every night after we`d gone to bed. She cried for her baby who she didn`t even know.

It only got worse when you left us, it was then that we truly felt the silence, the loneliness that we wallowed in side by side. You died and the loneliness never lifted, it just came closer, and creeps forwards still.

We`re writing to you now to say goodbye to the son we never knew. Goodbye to the person we wished we could have loved.

Love, Dad.

24^th: Margi Perrin, District Six

“She seemed like one of the ones who had the possibility of making it further than she did.”

Kills: None

Dear Margi,

Why did you have to leave me?

The other kids never pushed me around when you were here, now they do it almost every day. They knew they couldn’t hurt me because you were there, but now you’re not. I don’t go anywhere anymore, Margi, I just can’t handle the teasing.

I was always different but so were you, the other kids never made fun of you after you punched that girl in the nose so long ago. They were scared of you and that protected both of us. But now I have to protect myself, I have to but I can’t. I’m not different because I’m strong, I’m different because I’m weak. It’s not the same thing, Margi.

I’ll see you soon Margi. I’m sorry.

Your Brother, Nestor (Age 13).